Identify a symbol for yourself - Gratchen Happiness Project

A new theme for the Happiness Project is to spur everyone to do a happiness project, too. Happiness projects for everyone! I am the happiness evangelist.
Only recently did I start thinking about it this way – even though implicit in the idea of keeping this blog is the desire to help other people learn from my happiness project. Now, though, I’m going to start explicitly addressing the question of how people can design their own.
I need to figure out a systematic way to do this, but until then, I’ll just throw out some provocative suggestions.
I was thinking about a life symbol – or what should it be called? personal symbol? imago? figuration? – I mean the symbol you adopt for yourself and your happiness project.
Without giving it much thought, I picked my symbol as the bluebird, because the bluebird is a symbol for happiness.
I believe this connection comes from the wonderful Maeterlinck play (later made into a Shirley Temple movie), The Blue Bird, where two children look for the Blue Bird of happiness.
I’ve been thinking about life symbols lately, because I’ve been immersing myself in Flannery O’Connor’s work.
Flannery O’Connor was a devout Catholic, and her fiction is filled with symbols, often with religious significance. About symbols, she wrote, “I think the way to read a book is always to see what happens, but in a good novel, more always happens than we are able to take in at once…The mind is led on by what it sees into the greater depths that the book’s symbols naturally suggest.”
Now consider: in life, O’Connor loved peacocks. Because she was in very poor health, she lived on a farm with her mother, and she raised peacocks there.
But peacocks aren’t just peacocks. As she pointed out in a letter, the peacock is the symbol for the Transfiguration, and in medieval symbology, for the Church—the eyes are the eyes of the Church.
So picture Flannery O’Connor, writing her books, meditating on the mysteries of religion and fiction, close to death, surrounded by peacocks. It would seem like unbelievably heavy-handed symbolism, if it weren’t true.
The peacock symbol is extended by others – peacocks illustrate many of the covers of books published after her death.
O’Connor loved birds from a very young age. Did she choose to surround herself with peacocks partly because of their symbolism? Who knows? But it’s thrilling that she did.
I was intrigued to read that symbols for Buddha include an empty seat, a pillar of fire, a tree, and a pair of footprints – images that signify that he has gone beyond form.
Bridge, skyscraper, candle, river, poppy, library…the value of thinking about a personal symbol comes from the fact that it requires us to think of our lives metaphorically. Keats wrote, “A Man’s life of any worth is a continual allegory – and very few eyes can see the Mystery of his life…a life like the scriptures, figurative.”
It’s difficult, but surprisingly fun. I hit on the blue bird without much thought, but I like it.
If you conceive of your life symbol, please post it – I’d love to see people’s choices. And if you can think of a more lyrical name than “life symbol,” please suggest it! That phrase is so flat and banal. Though I’m starting to think “imago” might work.
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Did you know that Gretchen can read and write in Malay?.You will be surprise to find out how she sees poksir from an angle which is not familiar.

Angsa puteh (white goose) and poksir is just like O'Connor with peacocks. Dia belum lagi menuliskan cerita itek dan angsa ini didalam blog nya tapi "happiness project" itu telah bermula di Instagramn account nya di @poksir.

panjang umur kita sambung

Angsa is Paulo, Puteh is Gretchen

How to discover if something is important by Paulo

The master was strolling through a field of wheat when a disciple came up to him: “I can’t tell which is the true path. What’s the secret? What does that ring on your right hand mean?” asked the master.
“My father gave it to me before dying.”
“Well, give it to me.”
The disciple obeyed, and the master tossed the ring into the middle of the field of wheat.
“Now what?” shouted the disciple.
“Now I have to stop doing everything I was doing to look for the ring! It’s important to me!”
“When you find it, remember this: you yourself answered the question you asked me. That is how you tell the true path: it is more important than all the rest.”

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The master named Poksir ...by Poksir

Seorang ustaz, bernama Paulo telah menggembara di hutan dan terjumpa sebiji batu bersinar di dalam sebuah tasik.

Hari keduanya, Ustaz Paulo terserempak dengan seorang penggembara bernama Gretchen yang kelaparan.
...
Tanpa memikir panjang, Ustaz Paulo membuka begnya dan berkongsi makanan bersama Gretchen.

 Gretchen melihat dalam beg Ustaz Paulo ada batu bersinar.

“Boleh ustaz bagi ana batu itu?” tanya Gretchen yang terpegun dengan kecantikan batu tersebut.

“Ambillah,” kata Ustaz Paulo tanpa berkata apa-apa.

 Gretchen berasa sungguh bertuah. Beliau merasakan batu bersinar tersebut dapat menjamin kesejahteraan hidupnya sepanjang hayat kalau dapat dijual.

Fikir… Menung… Mimpi…

Fikir… Menung… Mimpi…

Fikir… Menung… Mimpi…

 Gretchen balik berjumpa Ustaz Paulo selepas seminggu.

“Ana sedang fikir,” kata Gretchen. “Ana tahu batu ini berharga, tapi ana nak pulangkan pada ustaz, dengan harapan ustaz akan memberi ana benda yang lebih berharga daripada batu ini.”

Ustaz Paulo tersenyum. Tapi orang-orang yang mendengar di tepinya merasakan Gretchen tersangat tamak.

“Ana nak Ustaz bagi apa yang ada di jiwa ustaz yang membolehkan ustaz memberikan batu ini kepada ana,” kata Gretchen.

Semua terkejut dengan permintaan Gretchen.

“Manusia suka mengumpul duit dan harta. Semakin banyak dikumpul, semakin banyak yang dikehendaki – tiada penghujungnya nafsu manusia. Tapi apabila manusia dapat hidayah bahawa hidup menjadi lebih bebas dan bermakna jika kita menganggap segalanya tidak dimiliki kita, tapi dipinjamkan sementara oleh Allah kepada kita, Gretchen akan melepaskan batu bersinar itu tanpa ragu-ragu,” jawab Ustaz Paulo.

Wahai anakku,
Aku bimbang engkau terlalu sayang akan hartamu sehingga ia merosakkan imanmu lalu aku ceritakan kisah di atas untukmu. Tatkala matamu ditutup, jantungmu henti berdenyut dan kamu hembuskan nafas terakhirmu, hartamu dan duitmu tidak lagi boleh mengikutimu.

Aku berharap kisah di atas dapat membantu kamu lebih mudah memahami nasihat yang ingin disampaikan oleh aku. Ingatlah wahai anakku, pembelajaran yang paling berkesan, bukan pada mendengar penerangan 100%, tapi melalui pemahaman dan penyedaran sendiri terhadap segala perkara yang berada di mindamu.

Bacalah wahai anakku. Jangan kamu sesekali henti membaca di dalam hidupmu. Semakin kamu membaca, engkau akan sedar semakin banyak benda kamu tak faham. Disebabkan ada benda baru yang kamu tak faham, kamu akan terus membaca mencari jawapan dan mendalami ilmu kamu. Itulah hebatnya dan nikmat di sebalik seseorang yang suka membaca. Selepas membaca, kongsilah ilmu pada orang lain kerana berkongsi ilmu adalah kunci kepada memdalamkan satu-satu ilmu yang diperolehi........... Thank you Ustaz Tuan Ibrahim Tuan Man for the script

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Tiada tulisan dari Gretchen kali ini..... sebab poksir sudah buat pukulan home run pertama

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Jika masih ada yang tidak perasan biar aku surahkan sekali lagi, yang blog ini ditulis menerusi penulisan Paulo Coelho dan Gretchen Rubin yang mewakili pemikiran dari Brazil dan New York USA dan poksir mewakili Asia (Baca:Melayu).

Ketiga tiga mereka (Paulo, Gretchen dan Poksir) mempunyai banyak persamaan dari segi cara melihat dunia tapi dibezakan oleh jarak dan iman mereka.

Are You Drifting? asked Gretchen

What is “drift”? Drift is the decision you make by not deciding, or by making a decision that unleashes consequences for which you don’t take responsibility.
One of the problems of drift is that we try to deny we’re drifting. Take this quiz: how many of these statements apply to you, in your current situation? The more checks you make, the greater your risk for being a drift.

__ I often have the peculiar feeling that I’m living someone else’s life, or that this isn’t my “real” life, which hasn’t yet begun.
__ I often think, “This situation can’t go on,” but then it does go on.
__ I spend a lot of time daydreaming about a completely different life as an escape from what I’m doing now.
__ I find myself getting very angry if someone challenges the values that I think I’m working toward. (E.g., working like crazy as a fifth-year associate at a law firm, and furious if someone argues that money and security aren’t important.)
__ I complain about my situation, but I don’t spend much time trying to figure out ways to make it better. In fact…
__ I fantasize that some catastrophe or upheaval will blow up my situation. I’ll break my leg or get transferred to another city.
__ I find myself having disproportionate reactions. (For example, I have a friend who wasn’t admitting to herself that she wanted to be an actor, and she decided to give it a shot after she started crying when someone started talking about acting.)
__ I feel like other people or processes are moving events forward, and I’m just passively carried along.
__ I find myself doing or getting something because the people around me are doing it or want it.
__ There is something in my life about which I used to be passionate, but now I never allow myself to indulge in it. In fact, it makes me uncomfortable even thinking about it.
__ I’ve justified certain actions on my part by assuring myself, “I might as well,” “It can’t hurt,” “This might be useful,” “This will keep my options open,” “I can always decide later,” “I can always change my mind,” “Nothing is forever,” “How bad can it be?” “How can I turn down this opportunity?”

According to the First Splendid Truth, to be happier, you need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
Of these four elements, “feeling right” is the hardest to explain. “Feeling right” is feeling like you’re leading the life you’re meant to live; that you’re living up to your expectations for yourself; that you feel comfortable with the life you’ve chosen.
Feeling right might mean being in the right career. One reason I left law was that I was haunted by the feeling that I was…on a tangent, off-center. I can’t describe it any other way. There I was, clerking for Justice O’Connor, and I was haunted by a feeling that it was all a digression. From what, to what? That’s what I had to figure out.
Some people don’t “feel right” because they don’t have the family situation they want, or the financial situation they expected. Or they’re not spending their time on something that’s important to them. My Manhattan-raised college roommate didn’t “feel right” about living in the Midwest; she tried and tried, but her life there just didn’t feel right.
I think “feeling right” is especially susceptible to outside pressures. We drift into certain decisions because other people approve of them. Your sense of what is right for you becomes clouded by what other people think is right. You drift into medical school because your parents will be pleased. You drift into marriage because all your friends are getting married. You drift into a job because someone offers you that job. You want the respect of the people around you, or you want to avoid a fight or a bout of insecurity, so you take the path of least resistance. That’s drift.
The word “drift” has overtones of laziness or ease. Not true! Drift is often disguised by a huge amount of effort and perseverance. Just because you’re working hard is no guarantee that you’re not drifting. For me, law school was drift, and it was hard every step of the way, from the LSAT to the New York Bar exam. In the end, I’m happy I did go to law school — and that’s another tricky thing about drift. Sometimes drift does make you happy. But don’t count on it.
One of my drift-related Secrets of Adulthood is “You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.” And here’s another one: “Approval from the people we admire is sweet, but it’s not enough to be the foundation of a happy life.”
It comes back, as always, to a fundamental truth about happiness, and my First Commandment: Be Gretchen. (Feel free to substitute your own name.) In order to be happy, I have to know myself and build my life around my own nature.
Have you ever found yourself drifting? How did you start, how did you end it — or not?
* There’s a huge amount of interesting material on the Psychology Today site.
* If you’d like a free, personalized bookplate for your copy of The Happiness Project — or as a gift for someone else — email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com. (Don’t forget the “1″.) Be sure to include your mailing address, feel free to ask for as many as you like, and yes, I’ll mail them anywhere in the world.

Gretchen's piece which I love so much

“…and How They Might Have Been Yet If What Happened Had Not Happened.”

“I just lay there in the hammock. I lay there and watched the undersides of the oak leaves, dry and grayish and dusty-green, and some of them I saw had rusty-corroded-looking spots on them. Those were the ones which would turn loose their grip on the branch before long–not in any breeze, the fibers would just relax, in the middle of the day maybe with the sunshine bright and the air so still it aches like the place where the tooth was on the morning after you’ve been to the dentist or aches like your heart in the bosom when you stand on the street corner waiting for the light to change and happen to recollect how thing once were and how they might have been yet if what happened had not happened.”

 All the King’s Men
I’m re-reading this book for the fourth time now. I always remember certain passages very clearly, but forget what actually happens.

TARKONOnMiss (Taxonomies : new word for today)

I love taxonomies, categories, ways of dividing people into groups. If you’re the same way, take these quizzes to find out what categories describe you:
1. Are you an under-buyer or an over-buyer? I’m an under-buyer.
2. Are you an abstainer or a moderator? I’m an abstainer, 100%.
3. Are you an alchemist or a leopard? I’m an alchemist.
4. Are you a radiator or a drain? I try to be a radiator.
5. Are you a finisher or an opener? I’m a finisher.
6. Are you a satisficer or a maximizer (yes, these are real words). I’m a satisficer.
7. Are you more drawn to simplicity or to abundance? I’m more drawn to simplicity.
8. Are you a Tigger or an Eeyore? I’m a bit of both, but writing about happiness has definitely brought out my Tigger qualities. (I write a lot about the conflict between these two categories in Happier at Home.)
9. Are you a marathoner or a sprinter? (categories formerly known as “tortoises and hares,” but I changed the terms). I’m a marathoner.
Putting myself into categories is fun, and I think it also gives me insight into my own nature. When I see myself more clearly, I can more easily see ways that I might do things differently, to make myself happier.
Categories can be unhelpful, however, when they become too all-defining, or when they become an excuse. “Oh, I can’t be expected to resist eating the cookies in the cupboard, I’m an abstainer.”
Do you find it helpful to consider these kinds of categories? Or too constraining?
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Vonnegut 8 Simple Rules for Writing

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Vonnegut notes, “The greatest short story writer of my generation was Flannery O’Connor…She broke practically every one of my rules but the first. Great writers tend to do that.”
I’m a Flannery O’Connor freak, so I was very happy to see that Vonnegut loved her work, too. In fact, in a weird synchronicity, it was my admiration for O’Connor’s collection of letters, The Habit of Being, that got me reading letters in the first place.
What do you think of these rules?

Gatal Badan

Do you have any nervous habits? I twist my hair. kata sorang kawan
When I'm nervous I tend to get itchy hives, so I'll scratch them. kata sorang lagi. Kata2 mereka ini  mengundang persoalan baru dalam kepala ku " Adakah gatal badan yang ku alami  kebelakangan ini (lebih dari tiga bulan-hujung April hingga awal Julai) ada berkaitan dengan nervous breakdown atau alahan alergy permakanan?" atau ???? satu soalan yang ku fikir menarik ketika ini.

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Chronically itchy skin can take not only a physical toll but a psychological one as well, a new study suggests.Research has linked various skin conditions, such as severe acne, psoriasis and eczema, to higher risks of depression, anxiety and stress in some individuals. But it has not been clear whether chronic itchiness - a common symptom of skin disorders - can cause its own distress.

To evaluate the relationship between pruritus (chronically itchy skin) and psychological stress, researchers studied 2224 Japanese adults aged 18 years and above. The participants were asked to keep health diaries over one month and they completed a standard questionnaire called the Perceived Stress Scale, which measures, for instance, how often a person has felt nervous or stressed in the past month. Participants used the diaries to record the presence and severity of various symptoms, including itchiness.

It was found that participants with itchy skin had a higher average score on the stress scale than other participants did. And the more frequent the symptom, the higher the scores. The link between itchiness and stress was also seen among participants who had more than two health complaints. This suggests that itchiness itself has psychological effects independent of other health problems.

A number of skin conditions - including eczema, recurrent hives and psoriasis - are marked by sometimes intensely itchy skin. The current findings suggest that if the symptom is not well-controlled, it can be a source of psychological, as well as physical, hardship.

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Pencerahan diatas menemui jawapan kepada persoalan gatal badan yang ku alami dua tiga bulan kebelakangan ini. Cuba meneropong kedalam diri mencari punca stress yang melanda diri.Aku agak terkejut untuk bersetuju dengan teori gatal dan stress...

Rupa rupanya begitu banyak perkara yang berlaku disekeliling ku sedang mencabar dinding stress begitu kuat sehingga ia keluar melalui liang liang roma di kulit ku. Mengapa perlu stress??? sedangkan aku tahu yang aku memang seorang yang tenang dan cool. Kerimasan ini kalau nak dilihat secara positif melalui "Intentional Choice" atau niat suci yang tersorok didalam kalbu.

Aku ingin menjadi seorang pegawai yang hebat ketika dipejabat.... Aku ingin menjadi suami yang hebat ketika dirumah. Seorang abah yang hebat lima. Aku ingin menjadi anak yang soleh dari sudut yang betul. Aku ingin menjadi seorang hamba yang diredhai. Kalaulah gatal badan ini berpunca dari intentional choice tersebut maka aku redha untuk menggaru kegatalan asalkan niat suci itu tidak akan padam. Akan ku cari ilmu untuk menghalau gatal badan ini.......... 

The False Choice

It’s very easy to fall into the happiness trap of false choices–of thinking you can either do X or Y, and that’s the choice you have to make.

False choices are tempting for a couple of reasons. First, instead of facing a bewildering array of options, you limit yourself to a few simple possibilities. Also, the way you set up the options often makes it obvious that one choice is the high-minded and reasonable choice, and one is not.
But although false choices can be comforting, they can leave you feeling trapped, and they can blind you to other choices you might make.
“I’d rather have a few true friends instead of tons of shallow friends.”
You don’t have to choose between a “real” few and “superficial” many. I have intimate friends and casual friends. I have work friends whom I never see outside a professional context. I have childhood friends whom I see only once every ten years. I have several friends whose spouses I’ve never met. I have online friends whom I’ve never met face-to-face. These friendships aren’t all of equal importance to me, but they all add warmth and color to my life.
“I think it’s more important to worry about other people’s happiness, instead of thinking only about myself and my own happiness.”
Why do you have to choose? You can think about your happiness and other people’s happiness. In fact, as summed up in the Second Splendid Truth, thinking about your own happiness will help you make others happy. And vice versa!
“Either I can be financially secure, or I can have a job I enjoy.”
“If I don’t want to live in a chaotic, clutter-filled house, I need to get rid of all my stuff.”
“I’d rather have an interesting life than a happy life.”
“It’s more important to be authentic and honest than it is to be positive and enthusiastic.”
Can you find a way to be authentically enthusiastic or honestly positive? In my experience, it’s often possible, though it can take a little extra work.
“I can care about people, or I can care about possessions.”
From Eleanor Roosevelt: “Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.”
Happiness is a goal and a by-product. Nietzche explained this well: “The end of a melody is not its goal; but nonetheless, if the melody had not reached its end it would not have reached its goal either. A parable.”
One of my Secrets of Adulthood is “The opposite of a great truth is also true.” Sometimes, the falsity of a false choice comes from the fact that both choices are true. I have more time than I think and less time than I think. I can accept myself and expect more from myself. I want an empty shelf, and I want a junk drawer.
In further illustration of that point, false choices themselves can sometimes be unhelpful but at other times, helpful. A false choice can be an indirect way for you to figure out what you really want; the way you’ve framed the question reveals the path you want to take.
For instance, a reader emailed me and, after a long explanation of his situation, wrote, “So the question is: do I decide to risk everything to pursue a life of meaning and happiness, or do I stay stuck in my boring job?” That may have been a false choice, but in any event, it was pretty clear he’d made his decision!
Can you think of examples of when you, or someone you know, fell into the trap of a false choice? What was it?

To read more about this, check out Happier at Home, chapter five.If you'd like to get my monthly newsletter, sign up here (highlights from the blog and Facebook). If you love great quotes, sign up here for the "Moment of Happiness," and you'll get a happiness quote by email every morning. Free of course.

The Warrior Decides

The warrior decides
The Warrior of Light holds the sword in his hands. He is the one who decides what he is going to do, and what he will not do in any circumstances. There are moments when life leads him to a crisis: he is forced to divorce himself from things he has always loved.
Then the Warrior reflects. He assesses whether he is fulfilling God’s will or if he is acting through egoism. If separation is really the path he must follow, he accepts it without complaining.
However, if this separation is provoked by the perversity of others, then he is implacable in his answer.
The Warrior knows when to hit and when to forgive. He knows how to use both with equal skill.

The warrior decides
The warrior of light has the sword in his hands. It is he who decides what it will do, and what not to do in any circumstances. There are times when life leads to a crisis: he is forced to part with things that ever loved.
then reflects the warrior. Verifies that is fulfilling the will of God, or acts of selfishness. If separation is the same in his way, he accepts without complaint.
If, however, this separation is caused by the perversity of others, he is relentless in his response.
The warrior possesses the art of blow and the art of forgiveness. Can use both with equal skill.

Kehidupan Bukan Sebuah Novel

Novel, filem dan drama kadang-kala mempengaruhi minda sesetengah pihak sehingga mereka tenggelam dalam khayalan dunia seperti itu. Memang benar, membaca novel, menonton filem ataupun karya seni lain yang menceritakan watak-watak khayalan yang diwujudkan merupakan satu hiburan dan ruang untuk kita menjenguk sisi pandang pengkarya tentang watak dan babak yang diwujudkan itu. Ia membantu percambahan minda, tambahan maklumat dan kadang-kala ia boleh melebarkan diskusi pemikiran.

Namun, pada pandangan saya, kesungguhan untuk memberikan penilaian terhadap rumusan keseluruhan kehidupan bagi sesebuah watak yang diwujudkan dalam novel, cerpen, drama, filem ataupun sebagainya bukanlah satu kerja yang begitu bermanfaat. Ini kerana kisah kehidupan yang diwujudkan dalam karya bikinan manusia itu tidak realiti dan hanya andaian semata. Jalan kisah bagi watak-watak itu ditulis oleh manusia. Sedangkan, kehidupan yang hakiki ditulis oleh Tuhan.

Khayalan dan realiti

Para pengkarya menulis cerita berdasarkan khayalan dan kehendak yang ada dalam diri mereka. Khayalan ini dipengaruhi oleh faktor dalaman jiwa, kepentingan diri dan tuntutan persekitaran. Episod dan babak kehidupan yang direka itu, ditafsirkan pula dari sudut pandang seseorang pengkarya yang mempunyai latar diri dan kepentingan yang tersendiri. Sementara kehidupan yang hakiki, jalan kisahnya ditulis oleh Tuhan yang tidak mempunyai apa-apa kepentingan dan keperluan, sebaliknya Dia Maha Kaya dan Maha Perkasa.

Walaupun Allah SWT memberikan ruang kebebasan kepada manusia untuk memilih antara yang baik dan yang buruk, sehingga ada pihak yang mungkin dizalimi dalam kehidupan dunia atas pemilihan buruk dibuat oleh sebahagian manusia, namun Allah SWT menentukan pelbagai keadaan dalam memberikan keadilan dan menzahirkan hikmah dalam perjalanan hidup seseorang. Campur tangan Tuhan dalam plot-plot kehidupan ini sangat ajaib dan halus.

Kisah kehidupan sebenar, jika diteliti tiada yang boleh dikatakan berlaku secara kebetulan, tetapi ia bagaikan plot-plot yang jika dilihat dari awal sehingga akhir, yang zahir dan tersembunyi, yang tersirat dan yang tersurat akan terbongkar rahsianya yang dapat diketahui oleh diri yang melaluinya. Kisah dan watak sebenar yang diceritakan kepada kita dalam banyak keadaan hanya zahir berita yang diriwayatkan. Hakikat dalaman diri seseorang sehingga babak, episod dan jalan cerita yang seperti itu boleh berlaku, hanya Tuhan yang Maha Tahu dan diri berkenaan juga mungkin tahu. Dalam banyak kisah kita hanya mengetahui zahirnya sahaja, sedangkan batin kisah tersebut yang membabitkan rahsia seseorang, niatnya, episod dan babak yang disembunyikan, banyak yang kita tidak tahu. Maka kita menilai sesuatu berdasarkan zahir yang kita tahu, sedangkan Tuhan melihat segalanya zahir dan batin. Apakah sama, antara karya manusia dan realiti hidup yang ditentukan oleh Tuhan.

Tersurat dan tersirat

Saya selalu mengambil kisah pelacur dan anjing yang disebut dalam hadis Nabi SAW. Nabi SAW bersabda:

"Diampunkan dosa seorang pelacur yang melintasi seekor anjing yang berada di tepi sebuah telaga yang lidahnya terjelir. Hampir kehausan membunuhnya. Maka pelacur itu pun menanggalkan kasutnya, lalu dia ikat kasut itu dengan tudungnya lantas dia mencedok air untuk anjing tersebut. Dia diampunkan disebabkan kejadian itu." (Riwayat al-Bukhari)

Mungkin ada yang bertanya bagaimanakah dengan mudah seorang pelacur yang memberikan minum seekor anjing mendapat keampunan. Apakah ini bererti setiap pelacur yang memberi minum kepada anjing ataupun yang membelanja rakan-rakan yang ‘manusia' untuk makan dan minum akan mendapat keampunan? Kisah ini bukan soal memberikan anjing atau apa-apa haiwan makan dan minum, tapi apakah yang ada di sebalik perasaannya ketika dia memberi anjing berkenaan minum. Juga kehidupan yang pernah dilaluinya sehingga Tuhan mencampak rahmat ke dalam jantung hatinya untuk melahir dan menzahirkan simpati terhadap anjing berkenaan. Demikian, sudah pasti ada episod yang dilalui pelacur yang menyebabkan Tuhan memilihnya untuk memberikan hidayah dan peristiwa memberi minum anjing itu dijadikan titik tolak keampunan untuknya. Banyak yang tersirat di sebalik yang tersurat.

Jangan pula kita hairan, jika wanita di medan pelacuran mendapat keampunan sedangkan ada mujahid di medan jihad yang mendapat kemurkaan Tuhan.

Kata Abu Hurairah RA:

"Kami menyertai Rasulullah SAW dalam satu peperangan. Baginda berkata kepada seorang lelaki yang mendakwa Islam, dia dalam kalangan ahli neraka.

"Apabila peperangan berlaku, lelaki tersebut telah berperang dengan hebat dan tercedera. Lalu ditanya Rasulullah SAW: Engkau telah berkata dia dalam kalangan ahli neraka sedangkan dia berperang hari ini dengan hebatnya dan telah mati.

"Jawab baginda: Ke neraka. Maka sesetengah pihak merasa keraguan. Dalam keadaan tersebut, tiba-tiba mereka dimaklumkan dia belum mati, tetapi tercedera parah. Apabila malam menjelang dia tidak dapat sabar atas kecederaannya, lalu membunuh diri.

"Lalu diberitahu perkara tersebut kepada Rasulullah SAW, lantas baginda bersabda: Allahu Akbar! Aku menyaksikan aku hamba Allah dan rasul-Nya!

"Lalu baginda perintahkan Bilal agar mengisytiharkan bahawa tidak akan masuk syurga melainkan jiwa yang Muslim dan Allah mungkin menguatkan agama-Nya dengan lelaki yang jahat." (Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

Ini semua berlaku kerana Tuhan sahaja yang mengetahui hakikat yang tersimpan dalam kehidupan seseorang. Ini merentasi andaian setiap kita yang kebanyakannya hanya mampu menilai pada zahir semata. Sekali lagi, banyak yang tersirat di sebalik yang tersurat.

Zahir dan batin

Tuhan pula dalam melimpahkan kebahagiaan untuk seseorang itu menerusi pelbagai warna, cara dan rasa. Ia kadang kala merentasi khayalan dan andaian manusia. Betapa ramai yang kita pandang zahirnya derita, batinnya mungkin jauh lebih bahagia dari apa yang kita rasa. Betapa ramai yang dilihat sedang bermandian dengan nikmat dan kebahagiaan, tetapi hakikat Tuhan sedang mencampakkan dalam jiwa keresahan dan derita jiwa yang tidak dapat dihuraikan dan ungkapkan dengan lidah untuk diadukan kepada sesiapa. Kehidupan ini sungguh ajaib dan luar biasa. Tuhan menulis kehidupan yang hakiki, ia merentasi khayalan seorang penulis. Diari kehidupan seseorang yang berjalan dalam alam realiti bersama dengan segala asam garam kehidupan, yang tersurat dan tersirat dan yang zahir dan batin yang ditentukan oleh Tuhan itu, tentu tidak dapat digarap oleh khayalan seorang insan.

Rumusan sebuah kehidupan

Walaupun novel mempunyai peranannya yang tersendiri, setiap babak yang dikhayalkan itu juga mungkin kiasan realiti kehidupan yang benar-benar wujud, namun cantuman plot dan babak yang dirangkumkan sehingga menjadi riwayat hidup sesuatu watak ia tetap suatu khayalan semata. Dalam bahasa yang agak kasar, penulis seakan menjadi Tuhan kepada watak-watak rekaan mereka dalam menentukan perjalanan dan takdir hidup yang penulis mahukan. Jika kita andaikan watak itu benar-benar wujud dalam alam realiti, apakah demikian jalan cerita dan gabungan plot yang Tuhan akan tentukan?

Oleh kerana itu, kesimpulan novel banyak dipengaruhi oleh mazhab dan pemikiran seorang pengkarya. Mungkin yang salah itu akan zahir sebagai yang benar dan direlai Tuhan atas kehendak penulis. Mungkin watak yang benar pada alam realiti, akan zahir sebagai yang salah dan tidak mendapat rahmat Tuhan ataupun kurniaan kehidupan kerana watak itu bertentangan dengan mazhab ataupun pegangan pengkarya.

Maka, saya simpulkan dari segi agama bahawa kita boleh menilai peristiwa-peristiwa yang dikhayal dalam sebuah karya sebagai satu andaian peristiwa seperti andaian hukum bagi perkara iftiradi (andaian), namun kita tidak boleh membuat kesimpulan tentang keseluruhan kehidupan yang direka dan dirumuskan oleh seseorang pengkarya. Ini kerana ia hanya rekaan semata sedangkan perjalanan hidup sebenar yang Tuhan takdirkan yang sangat tersendiri dengan segala hikmat dan rahsianya.

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The Problem with Perfection

I have come to learn that their pursuit of perfection for a perfectionist is really a disguise for their insecurity.
It becomes a statement that I’m not good enough just as I am. When we do that, we judge ourselves.
Usually we strive toward being perfect to compensate for a sense of inadequacy.
People who want to be perfect usually have an exaggerated sense of their own shortcomings.
They typically received messages earlier in life that they weren’t good enough. So they decided that only by being perfect would they be beyond reproach.
With such an affliction we might look at perfectionism as a compensation for earlier life experiences –wave collapses — that corrupted someone’s well-being and self-esteem.
As a compensatory response, the drive toward perfection is erroneously sought as a solution.
Perfectionists tend to think that other people are somehow better or superior to them, so they need to be without flaw just to catch up.
This is a terribly damaging myth.
Individuals who seek perfection are more sensitive to the judgments of others. In fact, these judgments are most often imagined.
Everyone has an opinion, but elevating someone else’s opinion to the status of being a judge is really silly. After all, someone else can’t really judge you unless you confer upon him or her, the power of being a judge.